


Side by Side

by fangirl72



Series: 2014 [8]
Category: Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis - Fandom, Martin and Lewis
Genre: Angst, Biting, Choking, Dry Humping, Dry Sex, Dubious Consent, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Violence, Non-Consensual Violence, Shaky Years, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:21:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28053099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl72/pseuds/fangirl72
Summary: Jerry finds Dean in his bed and he wants to do more than just talk about them breaking up.
Relationships: Jerry Lewis/Dean Martin
Series: 2014 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049543
Kudos: 2





	Side by Side

**Author's Note:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING**  
> This work contains mildly dubious consent: A person suddenly decides not to consent to an act being done to them. Due to a communication problem, they experience anxiety but eventually the other person does stop once they understand.

Dean/Jerry

Implication Jerry/Patti

Implication Dean/Original Female Character (unnamed)

Implication Jerry/Original Female Character (unnamed)

Not Safe for Work (Explicit): This work contains explicit sexual content, mature language, several uses of homophobic slurs, Internalized homophobia, one act of minor non-consensual, non sexual violence (choking), and mildly dubious consent **see note above**

Tumblr Link: https://fangirl72.tumblr.com/post/83244560371/side-by-side

Some Things to Look Forward to: Erection, Neck Biting, Dry Humping, Implication Homosexual Intercourse, Implication Oral Sex: Penis

Jerry was asleep in bed when he felt the mattress sag beside him. His eyes opened and he saw Dean sitting. Was he really here or was Jerry having the dream again?

“Hey, Jer,” Dean whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Remember when we would share a bed back in the old days?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Jerry replied.

Dean lay beside Jerry. “It’s nice knowing there’s someone next to ya'. You know, when the wives are at home,” he talked to the ceiling. “Why did we ever stop?”

There were a million one-liners going through Jerry’s head that he would have said back in the old days when things were different. He just answered the same way to why anything between them had to change, “I don’t know.”

Dean was wearing pajama pants and no shirt. Before, when things were different Jerry would have stared at Dean’s broad, hairless chest, so different from his own. Or he would look up and down those strong, muscular arms that held him tight. This time he couldn’t take his eyes off his face, lit up by the bedside table lamp. It mimicked an angel’s glow. His nose no longer resembled a beak. Lips that women wanted to kiss and Jerry knew from experience were very kissable. They were the features of a man, a handsome man. Or perhaps God was the better description.

Dean Martin was no mere mortal. How could a human man make his heart stop just by looking at him, turn his stomach into knots, and make his voice jump five octaves all before they even spoke a word to each other?

Jerry felt the clock ticking. These intimate moments where he was close enough to point out individual features were getting fewer and fewer. He took this moment (one he wasn’t sure was even real) to commit those features to memory.

“It sure felt…cozy,” Dean said, still memorized by the ceiling. “Hey, Pally, remember that time you were half asleep and mistook me for Patti,” he chuckled. “You had your arm wrapped around me and were hugging my ass, you know more than usual…you kissed my neck really soft and your breath felt so hot.”

“Yeah,” in his softest voice was all Jerry could say. 

Jerry knew exactly the night Dean was referring to. He was half-asleep and not fully aware of his actions but he didn’t have his wife Patti on his mind. There was this need he had to be near Dean. He craved the intimacy he had never felt before with another person, besides his lovely wife, back home hundreds of miles away. It was back before they had anything real between them off stage. There were hugs and soft kisses that were never enough for Jerry. That night started off as a dream of him being in Dean’s arms and really kissing him but when Jerry realized what he was doing he made it a test to see how close he could get to his partner to where it felt like it was enough. What felt right? What felt wrong? The memories flooded his mind. How Dean’s ass fit perfectly against him. The way his neck felt against his mouth. It wasn’t enough. Everything he did felt right. It never felt wrong with Dean.

“If I closed my eyes, Jer, it would have felt really nice. Maybe, I wouldn’t have woken you up.”

Jerry was silent. This was the most they had said to each other in months. The last show was looming over their heads. Is this how he says goodbye?

Dean rolled to his side facing Jerry. “Whadya' say I return the favor, partner?”

“Paul, have you been drinking?”

“I don’t drink anymore,”--Dean said with mischief in his eyes,--“than I have to. Come, here.” Dean wrapped an arm around Jerry pulling him close. They were nose to nose. His hand went down Jerry’s exposed back. Dean’s hand was cold and unfamiliar to his skin. It made him shiver as it went further and further down, reaching Jerry’s ass. He grabbed him firmly through his boxers, almost making Jerry jump. 

“Oohhh! I don’t remember grabbing your ass, Pal.”

“Sorry, force of habit.” But Dean didn’t move his hand and squeezed him once more. “Come on, turnover we’ll re-enact it.”

“What the hell has gotten into you?”

“What? I just want to make my partner feel good. Is that a crime?” Dean’s voice was as smooth as when he sang. Good thing they were laying down otherwise Jerry would have swooned.

“You haven’t said one word to me off stage in months. Paul, my heart is breaking over what happened to us, what we lost, what we may never get back. I’ve been sick over it and you come to my bed and want to spoon me?”

Dean sighed the same heavy sigh the last time Jerry opened his heart to him. “Maybe I want to make it up to ya'.”

Jerry didn’t care if he was dreaming or if Dean actually meant what he said or if there was a chance in hell of fixing what was broken between them. All that mattered is he wanted Dean. He missed him. He ached for him. How could he say no? Silently, he rolled to his other side. Dean’s arm wrapped around him. There wasn’t even air between them Dean was so close. Jerry could feel his cock pressed against his ass, his bare chest against his back. They were never this close, not even on stage where Dean was the most uninhibited. He felt Dean’s nose nuzzling the back of his neck and his hot breath kissing his skin. His body relaxed and it didn’t feel strange to be so close. Dean’s lips were against his neck. Jerry moaned softly, closing his eyes. He found Dean’s hand on his chest and interlaced their fingers, not wanting this moment to end, real or not.

Dean’s hand went through Jerry’s hair then back to his neck in a gentle caress before he turned Jerry’s face towards him. “This is what you should have done.”

Their lips met and it wasn’t a quick pucker like they always shared or Jerry crushing his lips against his. It was soft and gentle like the first time they tried it off stage.

Dean was on top of Jerry pinning him down. He never felt Dean’s full weight on him before. There wasn’t that many times that Jerry was on the bottom--so to speak. Only when Dean was really worked up did he hover over Jerry. And boy was he worked up. They were on the same page like never before. For once it wasn’t Jerry wanting more. But this was completely different from all the other times.

As crazy as they got on stage they were pretty conservative when they were alone. Jackets thrown on the floor, dress shirts with only a few buttons undone, ties still hanging loosely around their necks. Jerry hovered over him. The farthest he would go is jamming his tongue down Dean’s throat. Now it was skin against skin, his body temperature sending Jerry’s through the roof. Dean moved his arm away from Jerry’s so it was free to go up his back. He felt Dean’s muscles as he flexed. Jerry could always tell that Dean had a strong back. Just by the way when he stepped out of the shower or the pool and the water highlighted his shoulder blades and ran down the smooth surface.

His hand just like Dean’s went lower and followed the curve of his back. It was several seconds of hesitation before Jerry finally rested it on Dean’s ass.

Jerry couldn’t believe this was happening. He always had to be so careful with Dean. If it were up to him they would have done this six months into their partnership. Things had to progress so slowly a friendly kiss to a not so friendly kiss. Until Jerry could get Dean alone in their dressing room up against the wall, straddling him in a chair, or those few beautiful times on the couch. He explained to Dean it was the adrenaline, it was perfectly natural to want to be together physically. Once Jerry got with girls too then he had the perfect excuse. It would get them ready.

They were called sex and slapstick but there were nights that Jerry could only focus on the sex aspect of the act. His handsome partner holding him close, touching his hips, flirting with him. Their act getting more suggestive by the second, pushing the limits of how far they could go and being surprised by what they got away with. Jerry would look out into the audience and see all the girls and young women wanting THEM because they wanted EACH OTHER. Right before his eyes was a sexual revolution. He was a young man in heat. How could he not want it right there, that minute in any form?

There was only one night that they went to the room TOGETHER. Dean had a double boiler maker before the show while calming down a mob boss that was irritated by Jerry’s existence. After the show Dean told him, “tell the girls to wait.” Jerry got his wish, Dean Martin all to himself. But that night paled in comparison to what was happening.

Dean was so free like he gave up all control. There were no more rules to follow of what men should do. Jerry felt like there weren’t even consequences anymore. That’s why his hand was just as firm as he squeezed Dean’s ass again and again. Oh what a perfect ass it was. The old Dean would have punched him but this Dean-- whoever it was, had no hesitation.

The one night they were together Dean lay on the bed with Jerry hovering over him. His legs were spread far apart of either side of Dean and he made sure his lower half didn’t touch. They kissed like two horny teenagers. Jerry got brave, slowly moving one hand up Dean’s shirt while holding himself steady with the other. Dean held onto Jerry’s hips but his hands always seemed to find their way there.

Jerry was so happy in that moment but this was heaven. Ten years had lead up to this moment. This was how he needed him, how he ached for him. He needed to know that Dean trusted him completely. No longer did he have to look for the clues to tell him to stop. He finally let himself go. Dean was his completely.

Jerry didn’t want to stop. He could go for hours, all night even. God, Paul, please don’t stop, he pleaded in his head as Dean bit his lower lip then went to his neck.

“Your body is so different but your neck is the same as when I first kissed it.”

Jerry gasped for air having been denied it for so long. His heart was beating out of his chest. This was the most erotic experience they ever shared together. Jerry was developing a nice size tent in his boxers that Dean could no doubt feel. He wasn’t just kissing his neck he sucked and bit the skin RAW.

Dean’s hips rocked against Jerry’s. His breath was almost knocked out of him. He screamed, “fuck!” from how sensitive his erection was. This wasn’t just brushing against him like would happen sometimes by accident. This was Dean purposefully, slamming against him again and again. He could hear him grunting and it made Jerry nervous. Then he felt Dean’s cock pressed against his and he was moving on top of him. This was not what Jerry wanted. “Oh fuck..oh fuck..oh fuck..,” he said after each thrust. He finally found his limit. This felt wrong and the thought of Dean making him come felt wrong. “Paul!,” he yelled out but not clearly, the anxiety making it hard for him to speak.

Jerry didn’t get the answer he wanted. 

“That’s right, Jer, rollover and I’ll make you really scream my name,” Dean said against his ear.

Jerry grabbed Dean’s hair with all his strength. “Get the fuck off me, Paul!”

Dean screamed in pain. “Okay. Okay.” 

Jerry let go and Dean returned to his side of the bed.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you to PAY ATTENTION to how the girl is reacting in case she wants to STOP!”

“Jerry, you’re not a girl and judging by the stiffy you had I didn’t think you wanted to stop.”

Jerry grabbed a pillow and placed it carefully over his erection. “I would have asked before doing that.” He noticed Dean rubbing the back of his head. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah," Dean replied.

A moment passed before Jerry spoke. “What the hell was that! We were having this beautiful moment together.” Jerry bowed his head not wanting to look at Dean. “Which I obviously REALLY liked…” He looked straight at Dean. “Then you tried to FUCK me!” Jerry stared at Dean in silence, still upset and nervous and a mix of emotions. Why would he do that? What was he thinking? To just cross the line… Then it all made sense. 

“You’re a fag.”

Dean grabbed Jerry by the throat. “Don’t you ever fucking call me that!”

Jerry gasped for air when Dean let go. He could tell that Dean regretted what he did. His Dean wouldn’t hurt him. This was the other Dean that he saw a lot of lately. 

“I didn’t mean like it was bad,” Jerry said reaching out to him. “This makes so much sense.”

“What!”

“Don’t you see? How you can get so close to me, yet stay so far away. All those rules you made for us. Why you never talk to me anymore. You’re scared of being with me because I bring out that part of you.”

“What-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about,” Dean said each word slowly and without any heightened emotion.

Jerry smirked. “You can have any piece of ass you want but you chose mine,” Jerry said placing his hand on his chest. “There is a line of boys in Hollywood that would drop to their knees for you with big huge fucking grins but I’m the only boy you want.”

Dean stared.

“I’m right aren’t I?” Jerry was smug now. “I’m the only boy you’ve been with, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean said flatly.

“And you know why, don’t you?”

“Why?” Dean said the irritation clear in his voice.

“Because you love me.”

“Ughhhh!” Dean fell back on his pillow.

“You love me. You love me. You love me.” His voice giddier each time he said the words. He didn’t even think about what it would mean to climb on Dean, hovering just above his face. “You love me, Dean Paul Crocetti.”

“You’re on thin ice, Pally.”

Jerry lowered his forehead to Dean’s. “You love me so much you want to hate me.” He crushed his lips against his. The old Dean was back and wiped his mouth of Jerry’s kiss. “Oh, Paul,” Jerry said holding Dean’s head with both hands. “I know your upbringing. I know you were taught to be afraid. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.” He thought of all the years Dean had to hide his true self. “I know how it is. I used to think I was that way too.”

“No kidding--was it after the first or the fifth guy you gave head to?”

Jerry stared at Dean and pursed his lips. “You’re going through a lot right now so I’m going to let that go. It was you, schmuck. Through the years I’ve had thoughts about you and us really being together and if that’s what I wanted and needed from you. I’ve been having dreams about us and sex in various ways…but those were just dreams. I know now that’s not what I want. What I need is for you to kiss and hold me like you love me and you’ll never let me go.” He stroked Dean’s hair. “Oh, Bubby I wish I could give myself over to you and you could make love to me. You know if I could I would in a second right, baby?”

“Get the fuck off of me.”

Jerry did as Dean asked. “Paul…don’t be mad. I told you I can’t. Look, I’d take a bullet for you, I’d give my soul for you. But takin’ one up the ass is asking a lot!”

“Why is everything about love with you,” Dean spat at Jerry.

“What?”

“Every time you open your fucking mouth you make some long winded speech about love and your heart and never ending emotions. Sometimes men get horny and they FUCK. Sometimes partners sing a song that isn’t about their undying love for one another.”

Jerry spoke softly, “I do those things because I love you.”

Dean brought the pillow to his face, screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Baby…”

“Don’t call me baby,” Dean said, the pillow muffling him.

“Daddy…” Jerry giggled. “We could try…what you were doing again. Maybe if you went slower. There’s other stuff too if that’s important to you. I’m sure I could find a way to make you happy…and satisfied.”

“I’m not a fag.”

“I wasn’t thinking when I said that. Things have always been complicated between us. You raised me, you’re my family, my truest friend, my savior…and at the same time you put me in heat faster than Patti. We’ve never labeled it before so why start now? We’ll figure it out. Just as long as we’re together right, Pal?”

Dean threw his pillow at Jerry. “I’m not a fag or a faygula or a nancy or a homosexual. I don’t like men. I DON’T WANT TO FUCK YOU.”

“Oh, really, Pally?” Jerry took a beat, staring down Dean. “So just how were you gonna make me scream your name by rolling over?” He crossed his arms against his chest. “And I suppose you rubbing your cock against mine is just what partners do. Hey! I got a great idea. For our next opener why don’t you slam me on stage like that and when I come I’ll bring back that old line ‘Oh, Dean I’m so unworthy of you.’ And for an encore you can bend me over the piano and show everyone how completely heterosexual you are. You don’t want to fuck me?”--He slipped into his stage voice--“are you for real?”

Dean stared right back at Jerry. “I thought I could fuck some sense into you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Dean sighed heavily. “I thought if I gave you what I THOUGHT you wanted you wouldn’t break us up.”

Jerry let the words sink in. “You thought…that I was ending a ten year partnership-- ten years of blood and sweat and tears--my baby who I brought to life and nurtured... I was just going to let die because I was mad you wouldn’t have sex with me?”

“I don’t know why the fuck you’re doing this to US.” Dean looked away. “Do you have any idea how fucking hard that was for me? Do you know what I had to go through to get in the right mind to fuck you? To be okay with doing THAT to you? I don’t do that shit.” He looked directly at Jerry. “I’ll do it again and again if it stops you from making the biggest mistake of your life. We own the world, Jerry. What more do you want!”

I want you. I want you to come back to me. I want you to love me. Jerry stayed silent while Dean continued to speak.

“That money would put us and our families on easy street for a long time. All we have to do is some movies. I don’t get the problem. They’ll cave and make you writer, director, producer, star and you can control everyone and everything.”

This was the part he hated: money and the sins of Jerry Lewis. They always ended up here. Jerry knew he had hurt Dean, mostly out of fear, the same way Dean had to him. But Dean never wanted to talk about that, only this “reality” of him wanting money and Jerry wanting control and the spotlight.

“This is about our families, Jer. It’s not just your life you’re fucking over.”

That was it. “You don’t think I know that? You don’t think that’s what I think about every fucking day and night! Oh poor Dean Martin, he has the best damn instinct and timing of any comic I’ve ever met and the ability of an Oscar award winning actor but he’ll fall flat on his ass without me. You’re nothing, Paul. Is that what you want to hear? Is that the fucking record that plays in your head? Well, here’s another one. I’m the STAR. I’m the FUNNY one. It’s all about me! Oh sure, I’d string you along as my stooge and fuck buddy…but I gotta have that spotlight ALONE. I was such a success as a single, boy. Every Day I was ALONE…oh the joy in my heart! So much so that I wanted to rip it right out. Yeah. I’ll write ALONE. I’ll direct ALONE. I’ll star ALONE. I’ll be a huge, fucking success ALONE! I’ll be just fine. All I have to do is grow a new heart…” Jerry cried into his hand. 

All of the emotion of the past year flooding over him. He gained enough control to say these words, “you think you know fear…of losing something?” Jerry sniffled. “You have no idea. That’s what hurts. You don’t know why I’m doing this…” Jerry wanted to wrap his arms around Dean and make him understand. “Get out….Get out before I do something I regret.” He waited until Dean was out of sight and shouted, “I don’t care if you never say the words. I love you enough for the both of us!” 

Dean slammed the door behind him.

-

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering, I did not write Jerry as heterosexual. He hasn't personally identified his sexuality but he knows he is sexually attracted to men and doesn't feel comfortable doing sex acts with them. I think of him as bisexual with a female or feminine gender preference and with no preference in his romantic attraction.


End file.
